Burnout. Are we Naming it Wrong?

I’ve been pretty excited about piloting SCORE, a program proven to improve people’s capacity to work in high-stress environments.

I was even more stoked that the pilot group had significant increases in civility and respect. Yay!

In follow-up conversations, leaders said the workplace felt “lighter” and participants described feeling less stressed and more energized. I was delighted . . . until my Inner Doubter cleared her throat. Maybe the improved vibes were just a happy fluke? O.

But then I heard a comment by retired US Air Force Colonel DeDe Halfhill:

It’s not that people are tired. They’re lonely.

Ah. Dots connected. So, not a fluke.

When we deepen our ties with colleagues, we, like the SCORE participants, feel a sense of camaraderie and are more willing to offer and ask for support.

We’re more connected, less lonely and have more energy.

And then I remembered an interesting factoid. Michael Leiter, the creator of the SCORE program, also happens to be an expert on burnout.

Coincidence? I think not.

So do we use the L word?

Short Answer: Yes.

Longer Answer: As Colonel Halfhill observes, talking about loneliness can feel uncomfortable – it’s like we’re saying we’re unlikable or needy. Ugh.

What we’re actually saying?

We’re human.

Loneliness signals a gap between our connections with others and what we need in that moment. It’s not about being physically alone, so if you’ve ever felt lonely in a crowd, you’re not alone (irony intended).

This very normal emotion costs us personally, professionally and organizationally.

• Loneliness is associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and it also increases the likelihood of the three Ds (disease, dementia and depression). Oy.
• Loneliness reduces task performance, limits creativity and impairs executive functioning skills like reasoning and decision-making (aka burnout).
• Loneliness costs organizations through higher absenteeism, more accidents and lower productivity.

It’s Not Just You (or Them).

Don’t be surprised that loneliness at work is a thing, that it’s contagious and that it’s not just felt by introverts or remote workers.

And. As a Compassionate Leader, you’re likely demonstrating the value of connection and fostering an organizational culture that supports giving and receiving kindness.

That’s great and . . . you can take it a step further by having your team complete the five-question Work Loneliness Scale and then discuss the results together.

Or simply start a conversation by asking folks if they feel like their colleagues:
• “Have their back”?
• Would help them out in times of need?
• Genuinely value and care for them?

Bonus points available: Ask team members if they’d characterize their relationships with colleagues as being driven more by love or by fear?

How Teams Learn to Care.

People smarter than me have noticed that a culture of connection incorporates all the components Dr. Leiter built into SCORE. You can do it too.

* Learn to talk about emotions. Listen (while remembering that caring doesn’t have to hurt and that your job isn’t to “fix” anyone). To foster psychological safety, practice psychological distancing – zoom in to tune in to the spoken and unspoken cues, and zoom out to remember why you’re investing the time and energy in the conversation.

* Be honest about your personal experiences. Get comfortable with being vulnerable. Yes, this can feel uncomfortable. No, it’s not about over-sharing.

* Build socializing into the rhythm of work. Design slack into the workflow and keep social activities simple. Forging strong relationships takes time and effort.

* Give people opportunities to show who they are. Real connection happens when employees’ unique identities and experiences inside and outside the workplace are embraced.

There’s a bunch of research-backed structures to get this started, like allocating a few minutes at the beginning of a huddle or meeting where people take turns sharing something about themselves – whether it’s a picture of a recent happening, an anecdote about their weekend, you get the drift.

Shape a workplace worth showing up to.

And why bother?

Another-smarter-than-ME person (Brene Brown) said it best:

Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.

Belonging is in our DNA.

Choosing to help your team click doesn’t just feel good – it leads to more energy, more impact and more protection from burnout and overload for them . . . and for you.