“You’re here to work, not make friends,” a manager said to my daughter a few weeks into her first job.
It was in response to my sociable 17-year-old asking if she’d somehow upset folks because her colleagues seemed kinda grumpy.
I was surprised for a bunch of reasons.
- Memories of my own workplace friends are some of my happiest. A particular fave? Trying on ball gowns over lunch hour with my colleague Gail during my weekend-warrior canoe-tripping phase.
- Everyone who participates in our Academy for Compassionate Leadership says making new friends is a major highlight of the program.
- And has this manager missed the memo on how work friendships boost the bottom line?
What’s up?
Friends at work make Work Happen.
Maybe this manager was worried the workplace would turn into a high school nightmare of cliques, petty drama and endless chatter at the expense of productivity. Ugh.
I understand the sentiment. But squashing workplace friendships misses, well, a lot of really good things.
* When your work colleagues are also part of your life, it adds balance to the work-life balance.
* If you’re worried about Gen Z’s apparent lack of organizational loyalty (and the associated turnover and hiring costs), don’t be. Studies show that people stay longer in their jobs when they enjoy the social environment.
* We’re all more motivated and engaged when we enjoy our coworkers’ company – and that boosts morale and performance.
* New employees (especially men) who form friendships quickly adapt more easily to the workplace culture.
* Work friendships deepen psychological safety and all of its related good things (innovation, learning, collaboration and problem-solving).
No, this isn’t about having a best friend at work (although bonus points if that happens). It’s about building personal connections that make us feel part of something bigger.
The point?
Workplaces function better when coworkers have good relationships
Create a Friend-Friendly Workplace.
Convinced but not sure how to help friendships happen?
Tip #1: Look in the mirror. As the boss, leading with compassion demonstrates the importance of human connection. Be the Good Friend Super-Spreader who gets your team members feeling more enthusiasm and empathy for each other.
Tip #2: Encourage inclusion. Promote inclusivity and belonging to minimize exclusionary behaviour.
Tip #3: Set clear expectations. Establish clear guidelines about appropriate workplace behaviour, including productivity and professionalism (super-helpful for new hires just starting out).
Tip#4: Get people together. Physical proximity and personal interactions forge social bonds.
No, it won’t be all rosy.
We’re human. Drama/unhappiness happens. Differences in opinion are inevitable. And conflict doesn’t need to be a friendship-breaker.
Research tells us that conflict is actually vital for the success of high-performance teams.
As a leader, you know what to do. Allow friendships to flourish naturally. And . . .
- Step in when needed. Address problems promptly and with radical candor, because being compassionate and assertive is possible. It’s also essential.
- Help people disagree productively. Model and teach team members how to disagree . . . without being disagreeable.
Double the Good Stuff.
It’s no surprise my daughter didn’t last long at her first job. What’s fascinating is how much she’s absolutely LOVING her new job. And yes, the big differentiators are a caring boss and kind colleagues who are genuinely curious about each other.
I don’t think this stuff is only important for workforce newbies.
It feels good to have friends at work. They’re the people we can be human with (i.e. the complex and conflicted beings we are) rather than anonymous colleagues.
Friendships make work better. And ultimately, they make life richer and more interesting.
There’s a Swedish proverb:
Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.
It’s true for our professional and personal lives.
My wish for you ?
Plenty of opportunities to double your joy and reduce the grumpy, at work and in life.
Be well my friend.
.. ME
Especially for Leaders & Teams in Seniors Care.
This idea of friends at work is a thing, especially in Seniors Care.
Whatever your role, your job can be hard physically. Your workplace also happens to be the last home for the people you care for. That can be emotionally draining.
There’s tons of research highlighting the benefits of workplace connections, including this very specific study on . . . wait for it . . . the impact of workplace friendship in long-term care (I told ya it was very specific).
The findings?
- Seniors Care employees who have friends at work feel more attached and loyal to their organization.
- If your building’s culture values high-quality service, the psychological safety benefits are even bigger.
- When Seniors Care staff are friends with their colleagues, they’re actually less likely to engage in social loafing (i.e., slacking off or contributing less to team efforts).
Yet another reason why SCORE is so effective at increasing respect in front-line teams – people are given the time, opportunity and guidance to build relationships (i.e. become friends, or at least more friendly) and navigate difficulties together.
Caring for others is a big job, but no one says you have to do it alone. The friendships you build at work don’t just benefit you—they ripple out to your team, your residents, and the quality of care you provide.
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